roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
