Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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