I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
