I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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