For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
