My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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