Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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