i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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