I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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