So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
