Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So much rum. So many feels.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize