We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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