Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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