he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?