how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
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Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
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Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.