I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
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You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
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Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him