There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.