No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.