Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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