Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I cockslap morals
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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