oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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