Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
