the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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