sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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