i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
