he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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