best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
