I love black thongs
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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