So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
