Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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