I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Randomize
