all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
