well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
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the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
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I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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