I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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