I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
