But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
