god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i was born a porn star she said
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Randomize
