i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I cockslap morals
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
