Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
