I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
