Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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