I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
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