i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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