My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
