connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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