Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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