Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Houston, we have a squirter
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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