WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
where are my eyebrows?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
