when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
