Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
