Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
please come you make the beer taste better
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
