She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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