i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you had me at cake vodka
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
