We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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