He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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