champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
