Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
