i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
