you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
