his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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