Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
