Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
