85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
