Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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