i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
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So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
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I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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