You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He felt like a one man threesome
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Your penis caused this!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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