First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
