We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
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When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
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On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize