Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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