So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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