Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
FUCK WHALES
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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