Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
