Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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