hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
